Weighing on my Mind

A waist is a terrible thing to mind? Good question. I ask myself that many times a day.

I realize I am overweight. But here's the thing; I am a mental size zero stuck in the body of a size 16. When I look in the mirror I don't necessarily see the fat person in front of me. I still see the beautiful size zero that I was in high school. I am still mentally confident in my appearance and perhaps that is the sole reason I don't exercise or eat well. I don't think I have a problem.

So why am I here? Other people think I have a problem; mainly my husband. Does he degrade me? No. But he does tell me that he wishes I were "healthier" (i.e. thinner in my interpretation) so that I can be there for him and our family. I've recently had some health issues including a scare where I thought I was having a heart attack that sent me to the ER. I'm starting to not outright disagree with him. Hence this blog.

Here are my hopes:
I'm going to be brutally honest with myself and with this forum. It might not be pretty but dammit it will be true.

I'm going to be healthy. I'll have a complete physical exam and I'll face whatever it has to say (I've actively avoided going to the doctor for the fear of what might be found). I'll make clear goals and hold myself accountable.

I will get to a socially acceptable Body Mass Index (BMI) and I will have another child when I get there and not a day sooner. I don't want to have gestational diabetes again and put myself and more importantly my child at risk.

I'm going to unleash my inner demons and fight the mental notions that time and time again keep me from achieving my goals.

I will swallow my pride, and stop the denial which undoubtedly will be the toughest part of this journey.

I will not allow myself to be the ironic symbol of my company that I feel I have become (more on that later).

I will support myself and be my motivator and not rely on anyone else to be my cheerleader because in the end, it is all about me.

I will become educated.

And lastly, I will share this, all of it from the food to the pain, with everyone or no one at all. Even if I am ever the only reader of this blog.

Today I weigh 168 pounds and have a BMI of 30.72 (thanks findmybmi.com)
Today is for my tomorrows.